The 15th of June 2012 was the day I had my breast cancer confirmed.
I posted this on facebook to my friends:
I have breast cancer.
#checkyourself #haveyouhadamammogram #listentoyourgut #donotdelay !
In the space of a week I had gone from beginning to tick off a list of things I needed to do.. ( get a mammagram and ultrasound, visit the podiatrist, get a haircut etc.), to being diagnosed with breast cancer. It was a weird and wooly ride. One I thought I was prepared for, as my mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 12. She was 44 years old.
32 years on , at the exact same age, it was my turn.
It began with a mammogram. It is a brief , uncomfortable test, but a necessary one. If you are reading this and you havent yet had one, or you are due for another one, stop reading now and go make an appointment! DO IT!
After the mammogram , I then went to have an ultrasound. This is another screening for breast cancer , pain free and non invasive, usually used with younger women, and as an additional screen for those with a higher chance of cancer due to family history etc. It was my ultrasound that showed the tumor.
To be honest with you I wasnt surprised. In fact I was completely underwhelmed. From the moment the screener left the room , ( I remember we were having a lovely conversation about her pregnancy, and how excited she and her partner were to be expecting their first child.). Her expression didnt change one bit as she smiled and excused herself to go find a doctor. That was the moment I knew. Right down in the pit of my gut, I knew it wasnt going to be good.
The Doctor came in, and I experienced the first (of countless) head tilts with a weak smile. He knew it was cancer just as well as I did. But for the moment we would both pretend everything was fine... and I would come back on the Friday, ( this was the Wednesday), to have a core biopsy done to confirm what we all knew was true.
I spent the next 48 hours going about my normal life, with a teeny voice inside me saying FUCK!! over and over again. I had my podiatrist appointment, smiled and nodded, and did all the normal stuff I did, while the inside of me was already preparing for friday's confirmation.
Friday came and confirm they did. (The core biopsy was only slightly painful, nothing to worry about if you are facing having one! ) I was given the name of a breast surgeon. and an appointment time to see her on the monday of the next week.
A very long weekend stretched out in front of me. At the same time I wondered just how much of my life I had left to live.
I was terrified. Fucking. Terrified.
and determined to live.
"She decided that whenever life felt wild and dangerous, she would throw her head back, fling her arms up in the air, find her balance and dare to enjoy the ride. "
~ Queenisms™
Holy crap that brings it all back! Hugs xx
Posted by: Melita Tiainen | Monday, 04 February 2013 at 06:41 PM